(2005-08-13)
I'm sick in the head.
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Ah posted eet on zee forums, now ah'm posting eet 'ere.
Here is the very FIRST of taskie-made HP fics on this forums, and it features Hagrid, Buckbeak and Sirius. Enjoy!...or not.
NOTE: Author’s Notes (or AN’s) are throughout this piece. They will be in bold writing. Also, this chapter contains spoilers for some of the books, but everyone’s read them, right…?
Rubeus Hagrid and the Zoonecrophilic Threesome
Couplette One
Hagrid pulled Buckbeak along the empty street, his giant feet sloshing in the large puddles of rainwater littering the ground. The heavy rain drops fell from a gloomy sky with such force they stung his cheeks (A/N: Face cheeks, not buttcheeks, okay?) The grey stone buildings loomed out at him like towering slabs of cement gravestones.
The large hippogriff beside him suddenly made an odd squeaking sound, and reared onto his hind legs before collapsing to his knees, sulking. Hagrid, who was confused by his sudden strange behaviour, looked down at the cause of Buckbeak’s fright, and was shocked and horrified to see a body lying in the street, clothes and hair strewn everywhere. What frightened him even more was that the body was that of Sirius Black (A/N: I know Sirius fell through the veil at the Department of Mysteries, but for the purpose of this story he’s lying in a derelict alleyway).
Hagrid howled and fell to his knees just as Buckbeak did, and lifted Sirius’ body into his arms. Sobbing, he spoke to the corpse. “Ah know ye’ve bin dead an’ all,” (sob) “but – ” (sob) “but it pains me so much ter” (sob) “see yer body lyin’ in the street here an’ all.” Still weeping, he stood up and mounted Buckbeak. Still carrying Sirius, he dug his heels into Buckbeak’s flanks, and flew into the air, reminiscing on all the memories he had had with him when he was alive.
Finally, they arrived back at his humbled abode in the grounds of Hogwarts. He slid off the hippogriff’s back and entered the hut, resting Sirius on the lumpy bed in the corner. (A/N: So what if Hagrid’s hut is circular? It still has corners) He then stood up and grabbed a large sausage of haggis from the kitchen table and tore it in half, chewing thoughtfully on one part.
“ ‘ere, have some haggis, Sirius,” Hagrid offered, stuffing the entire other half into his unmoving mouth. As he took another bite of his own haggis, his eyes trailed to Sirius’ dead body. His gaze shifted from Sirius’ crotch, to the other haggis on the kitchen bench, to Sirius’ crotch again. “Jus’ like ol’ times…” he muttered, sighing sadly.
Suddenly, a wonderfully sickening idea popped into his head. He went outside and dragged Buckbeak into the house, leaving Fang sitting outside. He gently patter Buckbeak’s feathery head. “We’re gonna have some fun, Beaky,” Hagrid said, ruffling the feathers. Buckbeak made a cawing sound and fell onto his side, thrashing his legs about in delight. Hagrid smiled happily and remembered that night…
FLASHBACK
”Hagrid!” a male voice called from outside the hut. Hagrid stood up abruptly and strolled over to the door, grabbing the knob fiercely and yanking the door open. There stood a man with messy dark hair and ratty robes clutching one end of a leash that was attached to Buckbeak, Hagrid’s beloved hippogriff.
“Beaky!” Hagrid leapt at Buckbeak and embraced him around the neck. After a good minute of glompage, Hagrid released the hippogriff and stepped back to talk to Sirius. “Ah’d like ter give me thanks fer takin’ such good care o’ me dear Beaky,” Hagrid said jovially. “Would ye like ter come inside an’ have some, er, tea?” He added, smiling seductively as he led Sirius into the house…
END FLASHBACK
They were good times, they were. And as Hagrid stood there, staring at Sirius’ body and Buckbeaks’ excitement, he knew that not even death could separate them from the memories they once had, and were about to relive.
THE END
So, how was it? :D Post your comments, please…^.^
(date: 2005-08-13 time: 9:22 a.m.)
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i iz t3h sUx0rZ - 2005-11-12
Advent Children is the shiznit. - 2005-11-05
I will right wrong and triumph over evil, and that means YOU! - 2005-10-18
Hott. - 2005-09-07
I like-a to ride zee shoopuf - 2005-09-06
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tag, hag.
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